I woke up at 7:00 AM Monday morning to a news report about a controversial sentence dealt by a judge in Corpus Christi, Texas. The judge in question decided that it was enough that the community be informed that convicted sex offenders were living in the area as required by Texas’s version of Meagan’s law, so he required a group of sex offenders to put signs in front of their houses announcing their criminal identity. While many feminists and children’s advocates cheered on the judge for meting out this sentence, I cringed.
My life: 1966-1971 My parents taught me to repeat my address and phone number to a police officer should I get lost, coached me not to talk to strangers, especially if they offered me candy, and did their best to not let me out their sight when we were at a store or other public place. They bought into the “stranger danger” stereotype hook, line and sinker. They were almost paranoid that a stranger would kidnap me, molest me and possibly kill me, so we went over the “stranger danger defense” lesson a lot. Meanwhile, my grandfather molested me every time we went to visit. He would come to the back bedroom where I was supposed to be napping and do unspeakable things to me while my mother and grandmother were doing the dishes after lunch. Once, because I was bleeding and more afraid of the blood than I was of breaking the silence and risking all the horrible things that my grandfather said would happen, I tried to tell my mother what my grandfather had done. She would hear none of it: it didn’t fit her understanding of child molestation, so my story couldn’t be true. Instead she believed some story that my grandfather made up about me jumping on the bed. From then on it was as if she had given my grandfather carte blanche to do what ever he wanted.
A lot of feminist and children’s advocates hail Meagan’s Law and the state level prototypes as wonderful. Because of my own experiences, I have my doubts. There’s no denying the fact that Meagan’s Law, if effectively followed, will protect a few children from some obvious offenders who are very, very likely to molest again. What parent in their right mind would let their child play with the neighborhood convicted child molester? And what school or church program would let a convicted child molester work or volunteer around children? This is the intended effect of the law, and it is very good.
It’s the unintended consequence of the law that both angers and frightens me. At the same time that Meagan’s Law protects our children from convicted child molesters, it puts them more at risk from the majority of child molesters who have never been caught. By focusing on the obvious offenders, the strangers that you would never in your right mind invite to your house, Meagan’s law perpetuates a new version of the “Stranger Danger” stereotype by making us believe that as long as we keep our children away from those criminals, they will be safe. The national love affair with the “stranger danger” stereotype has horrible consequences for children. I know. I have to live with the flashbacks, nightmares and emotional scars.
The truth is that most childhood sexual abuse victims are sexually abused by someone they know -- someone like a relative, a neighbor, a coach, a scoutmaster, a priest, or a friend of the family. Often, though not always, these molesters are respected members of the community. Anyone can be a child molester. Prominent doctors, lawyers, teachers, professors, elected officials, the teenager next door, church leaders, the local mechanic—any of these could be offenders. Meagan’s Laws will not protect our children from these perpetrators because they are rarely caught and convicted.
And what about the unfortunate child that gets molested? How is Meagan’s Law supposed to help him or her? The dynamics of child sexual abuse make it very difficult for children to come forward with allegations. Perpetrators often tell their victims things like, “This is your fault.” “You made me do this.” “If you tell, people will know that you are a very bad little boy/girl.” Or, “I’ll hurt you/someone in your family/a pet.” Most children suffer in silence, giving off only odd behavioral clues that something is wrong. No law can help a child feel safe enough to break their silence nor can it force adults to believe children when they try to tell.
At the same time, Meagan’s Law and its prototypes do nothing to challenge parenting styles that put children at risk by teaching them that they have no right to set physical boundaries. Think about it. Every time you let a someone touch your child when it’s clear that your child doesn’t want to be touched, you are teaching your child that he or she has no right to set his or her own physical boundaries. How do you expect a young child to differentiate between kissing Granddaddy on the lips when they really would rather not because he smells like a chemistry experiment gone badly and rubbing Granddaddy “down there?”
The point is not that Meagan’s Laws are bad; it’s that people think of them as a panacea when they are not. Meagan’s Laws constitute a good start at the state and federal level, but protecting our children from sexual abuse begins at home. It begins with letting go of the stranger danger stereotype, talking to our children about all sorts of things in an age appropriate way and really listening to them so that we actually hear what they say. Protecting our children from sexual abuse also involves teaching them that they have a right to set physical boundaries. In addition to keeping known sexual offenders away from our children we also need to be wary of the “strangers” in our own houses.
In the meantime, if you spot some sleazy-looking person reading kiddie porn and jerking off in his car while parked near the playground, call the police immediately.
To see if your state has a Meagan’s law, check out http://www.klaaskids.org
To see what you can do to protect your child from sexual abuse and see the signs of sexual abuse, check out these sites:
http://www.ecis.com/~noslo/sexabuse.html
http://www.prevent-abuse-now.com/index.htm
Finally, this is a great page for adult survivors of child sexual abuse.
http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/child_sexual_abuse
* Meagan’s Law is the name of the federal law and also refers to various state laws that mandate authorities to notify communities when sexual offenders move into the neighborhood.
This article also appears on Suite101.com.